Six meltdowns a day. That's our normal.

My daughter is 6 years old. Since she was born she has always been super sensitive, a sweet beautiful soul, and highly sensitive. For a while I thought it was just the toddler stage. Now that she is 6, I am sure it's just her sweet, sensitive soul. And I do realize that is one of her most amazing qualities. But on average, six times a day she gets so sad, angry, and frustrated that she loses control of her body . She'll grab, pull, push, or just fully fall apart because her emotions take over completely. When this happens, I know the only real option is to let her have her feelings. I know this. But sometimes on the 6th one of the day, I get so fed up and frustrated too. My nervous system gets activated (and everyones in the house - especially my husbands) and I am not proud of how I show up for her. Meeting her with control, trying to stop it, trying to prevent it, or sometimes even worse, judgment. Just so frustrated that this keeps happening all day long. All that to say — it is hard. And when I don't show up for her, I am only adding to her deepest insecurity. That she is difficult to love. Hence her insecurity. I also think she may be somewhere on the spectrum with ADHD, but that's TBD. This past weekend it happened again. A fight with her little sister that escalated fast, the screaming, pushing, pulling. When they get physical with each other I see red. And I could feel my nervous system already fired up before it even peaked. But this time, with her dad there, I decided to try something different. I had him stay with the little one, she's 3, and I took my 6 year old upstairs to a quiet corner. I said, "Let's try something different." I asked if she could sit and get comfortable, then went and grabbed a notebook and a pen. When I came back I said, "I want to hear from you. What happened and why are you upset?" She visibly relaxed. She had walked up those stairs convinced she was the one getting in trouble. So when she realized she wasn't being punished, she slowly started to open up. At first it was all blaming. But as I kept asking different questions, she went deeper. I asked her: "You felt sad — where did you feel that in your body? What color did you see?" Same with anger. Same with frustration. She got more and more open as we went. And then she said it. "I feel really jealous of my sister." I paused. She's 6. And she just named one of the most complicated emotions a person can feel — unprompted, clearly, without shame. I sat with it for a moment because I didn't want to rush past it. When I asked her more, she explained that because she's bigger physically, whenever they fight she feels like she always gets blamed — even when her sister starts it. When I kept gently asking questions, she came to her own conclusion — that she could start asking for help instead of pushing back. She got there herself. I just held the space. Then I had her draw her feelings on a piece of paper. After that we went to her whiteboard in her room. I labeled it with her name and the word MAGIC. I wrote 1 through 5 and asked her to name her favourite things about herself. At first she struggles, but then they started to come. The final list: 1. Kind, (then added this to it later: sweet and sensitive) 2. Artsy and creative 3. Fun and funny 4. Calm and curious 5. Adventurous and loves to try new things 6. Foodie (this was a bonus one!) After that exercise, she was able to say nice things about her sister. Something she was having a really hard time with before. She had been so stuck in jealousy and comparison that she couldn't see past it. But once she focused on what makes her magical, something shifted. The comparing quieted. And so did her nervous system (all our nervous systems!). We ended with a few prompts: "I am a beautiful soul. I am loved. I am enough." She repeated them while I rubbed her feet (did I mention this was on a Saturday :P - I know it sounds like a lot). I'm noticing she carries real insecurities, and she gets so worked up without knowing how to bring herself back down from jealousy, insecurities, and constantly comparing herself to others. This is new for us. But I'm glad be have a list of her magic and I plan to lean on that as a reminder next time and see if it helps. <3 Does anyone else have a highly sensitive child — or a child with ADHD? If you have tips or stories to share, please do. We could all use each other on this one.